Laps of what, you might ask? Could it be laps of banana pudding or homemade ice cream? Well, I’ve just got to tell you; NEVER would four laps be enough of those two low-carb-diet assassins.
Perhaps it’s the laps I could have taken up and down and all around the church-house as I modeled a new ensemble, just to be seen by the preacher, choir director and everyone else? Could be, but no.
In reality, four laps walking my driveway constitutes one half mile. That’s right, I have designed an exercise ritual that the Tone-It-Up-Girls are dying to get their hands on, but it ain’t happening. Khole Kardashian, author of Strong Looks Better Naked, that’s right, I didn’t stutter. Well, Miss Khole just wishes she had thought of my down and dirty ton of fitness finesse, uh-huh.
I don’t care how many times Dr Oz calls my number, I will not appear on his TV show and the same to Dr Drew. And Oprah should just give it up, besides I am way ahead of her. But I might consider sharing a few tidbits with famous athletic trainer, Bob Harper, because he’s sort of cute and he did publish that dynamite book, Skinny Habits: The 6 Secrets of Thin People. Heck, I could have written that book, just didn’t have time being skinny and all. Skinny takes a lot of time and work, you know.
But I’m not divulging one tiny detail to the likes of them, but I will tell you.
I know I have pricked you interest or maybe that’s just a sticker embedded in the heel of your foot? You must keep what I am about to share just between the two of us. Drum roll … ~four laps and I am done~ represents the most genius-and-upcoming-diva-equals-gorgeous way of life ever imagined.
As I mentioned earlier, four laps up and down my driveway equals one half mile – my nice concrete driveway with the slight incline. As I walk the convenience of my property, I don’t worry about stumbling upon gross stuff, you know like dog poop or armadillos.
Of course there was that one unfortunate morning when I had an unexpected visitor slither across my lovely drive. No, the copperhead didn’t even look my way but I sure got an eye-full of his scary self. Went and got the husband, I did, but by then, the varmint had disappeared, however I am still wary of a return encounter.
That’s just a bit of the downside involved with my amazing exercise ritual. The fun part is that the two solid white kitties, George & Gracie, accompany me and occasionally hubs and the beagle pup, Patty Cake, will come along as well. It’s a family-thing.
But best of all, I have time to clear my head and make lists in my mind. I love those mind-lists. Most involve what hubs should or should not do. Oh, so much fun, however I’ve noticed as of late, he will be out of sight when I return. Weird.
Oh, and along my driveway walk I visit parts of my lawn and flowerbeds that I have often neglected. You know like weeding, thinning out the daylilies, starting a new flowerbed and designing new areas in the yard to look like the one I saw in the latest issue of Southern Living. I mean it looked really easy in the magazine. Yes, a good many of my mind-lists occur there.
Where did that husband go?
So, eat your perfectly sculpted heart out, Tracy Anderson. I know you’re really proud of your livestream workouts but you’ve never, even in your dreams, seen a turbo-workout like my mind-lists-driveway-walks. There I said it!
And if I were feeling generous, I might allow a tiny peek into my world of skinniest, but it’s a no-go for that cute king of skinny, Bob Harper, however Khole Kardashian’s strong and naked sentiments – now there’s a thought, albeit scary.
Oh, and I’m thinking of increasing my walk to twice a day – that would be one complete mile per day and just think of the additions possible to the mind-lists. Yeah, but let us keep it our secret.
Anne McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is a member of the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau. See her website: www.annmckeestoryteller.com