Love, Sidney

October 06, 2007 11:59 pm

— Dear Sidney:

My aunt, whom I am very close to, is obsessed with weight—hers as well as everybody else’s! She recently lost about 30 pounds and is constantly talking about her weight loss. While I am proud of her success, there is something that bothers me. Her self worth seems to be wrapped up in being thin. She refers to her former heavy self as “disgusting” and “gross.”
What bothers me even worse is that she points out how “disgusting” and “gross” she thinks other heavy set people are. I am reluctant to go in public with my aunt for fear someone will overhear one of her insulting comments. We were recently out shopping and a very large lady walked by. My aunt said to me, “Oh my Gosh! How can anybody let themselves get that huge!”
I simply said, “It’s not as hard as you think!” I am overweight myself and her comments hurt. Any advice on how I should handle this?

Signed,
Aunt Skinny’s Niece

Dear Skinny (gosh, I’ll never see a letter to me addressed that way!!!):

Why is it that we humans have the most difficult time saying some things to the people who should love you no matter what? You say your aunt and you are very close. Well, there’s your ticket! Assuming that you truly are very close, the way I’d approach this is by directly addressing it. Certainly you want to be cautious in your delivery so as not to hurt her or be misconstrued. When I’m faced with situations like this I always pray that I be given the words to say and that “they” be given the heart to hear. I continue to ask that I also be given ears to hear his or her words as you can be sure the other person will have a response of some sort.
Remember, you’ve asked for Divine Intervention. Can’t go wrong with that, now can you? Yes, it can be difficult or awkward, but you obviously love your aunt and don’t want her to say something that would make her look bad. You might approach the conversation with telling how much you care for and about her. Who doesn’t like to hear that? Having asked for Guidance, an opportunity will most likely present itself when it’s the right time to broach the subject. He’ll take care of the rest!! I wish you the best.

Love,
Sidney

Dear Sidney,

I’m not positive, but am pretty certain that my next door neighbor is having an affair. His wife is a very, very good friend of mine and I know it would kill her if that is what is happening. I don’t want her to get hurt. I feel it’s my duty to tell her so that she’ll be spared finding out another way. I just wish I could catch him at it but I can’t. Still, I feel almost sure that’s what’s happening. When is the right time to tell my friend?

Concerned best friend

Dear Concerned,

Let me make sure I’ve got this: you’re not positive he’s having an affair, his wife is a very, very good friend of yours, it would kill her if he is having one, you’ve not seen him actually doing anything and you want to know the right time to tell her. To sum it up: you want to “kill” your friend with what amounts to a suspicion, right? When’s the right time to tell her?
In a word: NEVER. Now, go take care of your own house.

Love,
Sidney