Published: June 26, 2008 10:35 pm            

Boyfriend’s mother won’t leave couple alone

Got a problem you'd like to share with Sidney? Write to her at: The Meridian Star, P.O. Box 1591, Meridian, MS 39301 or e-mail her at sidneycovington@comcast.net. All submissions are confidential and go directly to Sidney.



Dear Sydney,



I have been dating the same person for a little over a year and a half now. I can say that he is everything that I have ever dreamed of in a mate. However, there is one MAJOR problem ... his mother.

He grew up in a single-parent family for most of his life, and like most parents would, his mom developed a very strong bond with him. I love her dearly, and I think she's great, but I feel like I'm dating both of them. When we are spending time together, she calls and calls and calls. When he doesn't answer his phone, she calls me. When we have a fight, she's right in the middle of it and only adds fuel to the fire. She knows every thought that goes through her son's head, but what bothers me the most is the fact that she NEVER GOES AWAY!!

My mom and I were close, but I feel like it's time for him to cut the umbilical cord! I love him a lot, but I do not think that I would be able to handle her constant "lurking" around when we're married. I know in her eyes, I'll never do anything as good as she did, or like she would have. I just need to know how I should handle this. I love my boyfriend, and I do not want to lose him, but his mom has to give us some space or I'm going to lose it! Is this just her feeling replaced, or am I jumping to conclusions!! PLEASE HELP!!



Love,

Mother-in-law blues



Dear Blues,



Sounds like you've got a fairly good grip on reality. And the reality is, you're dating two people and where I come from, that's never a good thing!

May I assume you've discussed this with your boyfriend? If so, then that certainly didn't work, did it? If you haven't discussed this issue with him, then why not??? Are you afraid a discussion could lead to problems between the two of you. Afraid of her reaction? Just plain out afraid? Then, you're not ready to be married to him.

Face it: If she's like this now, she'll be like this after you're married. If your boyfriend has acknowledged that Mom is a problem, then perhaps he'll be willing to go to counseling with you. Mr. Might-be-right needs help in defining the difference in the love for his mother and the love for his mate. But there's one other thing you need to consider: he might not be as ready for this marriage as you are. It's possible that he's "allowing" this to be an issue.

Please consider counseling for yourself as well. Find out if you're suffering from that dreaded disease that so many unmarried women get: "altaritis." Above all, don't rush into marriage. Marriage "shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly." Remember that God has the right mate for you, so don't ignore His divine counsel!



Love,

Sidney



• Sidney Covington has a master's degree in counseling. She is a patient advocate and public relations representative for Riley Hospital.

        

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