Published: June 12, 2009 10:17 pm      

Fatherhood secrets

By Virginia Dawkins

Submitted



“It is much easier to become a father than to be one.”

Kent Nerburn



Most fathers never get the chance to be educated in the skills of parenting. However, a group of inmates at the Lauderdale County Detention Facility had that privilege. A graduation ceremony concluding a seven-week program of study celebrated their achievements. Wives and children watched proudly as nine men received certificates from the National Center for Fathering. The program was available to the trustees in coordination with the Good News Jail and Prison Ministry and its chaplain, Dennis Marks.

Mark Williams, instructor for the class and training coordinator with the Mississippi Community Education Center, used Ken Canfield’s book, Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers for his text. Canfield’s seven secrets are:



1. Be committed to becoming a good father.

2. Know your child.

3. Be consistent with your child.

4. Learn to protect and provide for your child.

5. Love your child’s mother.

6. Become an active listener.

7. Become spiritually equipped.

On the first night of class, Mark Williams asked each man to describe his own father. These are some of the answers he received: “He was worthless!” “Good for nothing!” “My father was just not there.” The men then learned that there are definite commitments they can make in order to avoid repeating family history. They were encouraged to consider and make the following pledges:



Dedication commitment:

I am a father, and I will stay a father.

I am here for my wife and children.

I will seek out what my family needs before I satisfy my own needs.

I made this choice. I’m going to make the best of it and do the best with it.



Constraint commitment:

I can’t look at other women because I am committed to my wife.

I can’t abandon my children; I have to take care of them.

My kids can’t make it without me; I must support them.



Spiritual Equipping may be the most important “secret” of all. Canfield calls attention to the importance of modeling a relationship with God: “Too many dads take their kids to church with the attitude of, Here’s my kid. Now, teach him about God. Instead, our attitude should be, Here I am, at church with my family. Please equip me so that I can in turn teach my child about God.” He paraphrases Mark 8:36: “What does it profit a father to teach his children how to gain the whole world, when he fails to teach them how not to forfeit their own souls?”

Graduation testimonies revealed that each father now has a strong desire to take personal responsibility for affecting change in his own family. One man remarked, “I found out what I thought I was doing right was all wrong.” Another said he had eight children but had never before known how to be a father. One of the trustees is not a father, but chose to take the class in preparation for the future. A most impressive testimony came from a man who confessed that the Fatherhood Program was “worth going to jail for.”

An old book with dog-eared pages holds these words: “Don’t just stand there pointing your finger to the heights you want your children to scale. Start climbing and they will follow!” Thanks to the Fatherhood Program, there are nine men in the Lauderdale County Correctional Facility who have begun to climb higher—and their children are likely to follow.