Published: December 30, 2007 09:26 pm            

New Year’s resolutions

If you’re like most of us, you’ll make a New Year’s resolution or two in the coming days. And, if you’re like most of us, you’ll have blown it before the Rose Bowl Parade even gets underway.

There’s a reason why so many people feel the need to make resolutions, or promises to themselves to improve in some way throughout the coming year. The New Year feels like a new start, a clean slate even, to do better and to be better. We seem to feel obligated to capitalize on this opportunity for self-improvement, for fear we might be viewed as complacent with the way we already are, a not-so-stellar trait in our society. If that’s not enough to get you pondering your own self-improvement, being constantly asked what your resolutions are will at least force you to make something up. But just as there’s a reason we feel the need to make resolutions, there’s also a reason, several in fact, why so many of us neglect to stick with these grand plans to do better.

Assuming you actually make resolutions for yourself with the best of intentions and not simply in order to have a response when asked, there are a couple of steps you can take to increase your chances for following through with them.

So many times, we state what we hope to change or improve about ourselves without considering our motivations, or reasons, for wanting such changes. In other words, we must ask ourselves “Do I really want to lose weight, or am I simply trying to make my significant other happy? Is becoming more organized really important to me, or is that just an attempt to satisfy my supervisor? Am I truly interested in picking up a foreign language, or merely trying to impress my friends?”

As with any attempts at change, chances are if your resolution does not come from your own desire to improve, you will not see it through. Some of us may actually prefer a little disorganized clutter in our lives, and that is fine as long as we are honest with ourselves about that. In the meantime, our focus should be on improving an area of our life that we are truly excited about changing, not just an area someone else would be excited for us to change.

Another pitfall many experience is that they lack the necessary resources to make the change. I can say I want to whip up the most delicious chocolate pie you’ve ever tasted. But if I look in my kitchen cabinets only to find I am missing all the ingredients needed to bake it, chances are there will be no delicious chocolate pie. And perhaps I can dash off to the store to purchase those ingredients, but who’s to say I’ll even want the pie after all that fuss.

The point is, if you resolve to start a new exercise program this year, make sure you have all the necessary ingredients for that to actually happen before you begin. If your motivation is highest on the first day of the New Year, but the resources you need are nowhere to be found, you may lose interest by the time you have all that you need to see it through.

For whatever reason, many of us fall into the trap of feeling that resolutions must begin on January 1 or not at all. If you find you don’t put your plan into action as soon as the clock strikes twelve, don’t wait until the next time you hear Auld Lang Syne. Instead, it is helpful to think of the beginning of each week or each month as a fresh start, to recommit and try harder to do better. If you haven’t done exactly as you’ve resolved this month, you can start afresh the next.

Rather than simply thinking and saying out loud what your resolutions are, it is much more useful to write them down. Now with that pen in your hand, go ahead and make them measurable while you’re at it. What I mean is make them as specific as possible, and possibly with some numeric value to them. For instance, if you want to get your finances in better shape in 2008, write that down. Now, state specifically how that will look, or better yet, how you will know when you’ve made progress.

Continuing hypothetically, if improving finances was to be your resolution for the New Year, break this large and vague goal into smaller goals for each month. For example, in January, you may want to begin planning and using a budget to better track your expenses and see where your money goes. In February, after looking at that information you kept track of the month before, you may want to decrease by half the amount of money you spend eating at restaurants. Then come March, you could perhaps increase the amount of money you place in savings by 10%. Without attempting to give anyone financial advice here, you can see the point and the benefit of being specific about your resolution, breaking it into smaller monthly goals, and if possible, saying it in a way that you can measure to better see your progress.

A few days ago I encountered a young high school student who in the first four months of school had somehow already managed to earn himself over twelve discipline reports, detentions and in-school suspensions. He proudly stated that he had decided to avoid any sort of trouble for the remainder of the school year. He vowed that he would not so much as get a tardy from now until May. While I was pleased with this new attitude, I was equally skeptical.

The problem with this sort of thinking is that we are human, and that means that we are not perfect, which then leads me to the fact that we are bound to make mistakes. And mistakes are okay as long as they don’t frustrate us to the point that we completely give up on ourselves. For this young man, one mistake, or one failed attempt to not keep his new promise to himself, might easily result in an even newer attitude of “What’s the point? I tried and I just can’t do it. I might as well go back to the way I was.” Anytime we are trying out new and improved behaviors or habits, it is important to give ourselves some slack, or leeway to make mistakes. It is important that our New Year’s resolutions not be too strict, or too numerous, or we will be tempted to give up completely when the inevitable slip happens.

A few final notes include the need to state opposite goals and the need to keep them only about you. First, when stating your resolution, make certain you consider if your goal has an opposite behavior that is required. In other words, if your resolution is to increase the amount of time you spend with family and friends, this may require that you decrease the amount of time you spend watching television. That seems to makes sense.

Second, regarding resolutions that only pertain to yourself, I simply mean be cautious of resolutions that require another person to fulfill. For instance, making a resolution to get married in 2008 is fine, except that it requires that another person be willing to marry you. In general, resolutions should be within your control, and require only you to make the changes and commitments. When you depend on others to reach your own goals, you are decreasing your chances for success.

I encourage all to make New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve already made a few of my own in fact, because I believe we can all be better versions of ourselves. We can all afford to drop a bad habit, enhance our emotional well-being, improve our physical health, do more for our community, spend more quality time with loved ones, be more productive at work, use our money more wisely, or learn a new skill or talent. Change does not occur, however, without a decision, a firm commitment to that decision, and a clear plan for following through. Now ask yourself which area of your life could most benefit from improving. Ask yourself how you want to be different by this time next year. Then, get out that pen and paper, get specific, and commit to change.



Dr. Susan H. Eaves, LPC, NCC, ACS, is a Behavioral Specialist at Weems Community Mental Health Center, Division of Children and Youth.

        

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