Published: January 31, 2008 11:52 pm            

The saga of family portraits

Crisis time! To me having my picture made anytime, and any place is a crisis … Ohhhh. First and foremost is a new hair-do – what a dilemma!

I drug my poor weary self down to “A Little Touch of Magic Beauty Salon” and hoped for a miracle … you see, sometimes it takes a little more than magic for me. My sweet stylist has tried just about everything for me – from flips to dips, and teased high and mighty, to cut over the ears, all one length and shaggy with different lengths. Yes, I am a challenge.

This time she tried out a new style on me and I think I like it.

Oh my goodness - someone said that I now look Bohemian with the new hairstyle and all … and I think that’s prêt-t-ty good. While I was at it, I acquired new glasses and updated my face powder, you know, just a wishing and a wishing for a skinny and younger version of me, the Me Maw.

Now all I’ve got to do is lose 25 pounds by Tuesday in order to get the very best portrait possible, and I did skip lunch today – hope it works.

Why do most of us get uptight about that portrait making stuff? Probably the most painful pictures that we suffer through are the driver license ones – Ughhhh. Sometimes those turnout more like wanted posters placed in the post office than an affidavit of our ability to handle a driving machine. I’m not sure how it happened, but the last license picture I had made, before my present one, was surprisingly nice and I was really tempted to continue to carry the old license in my wallet, but heck, someone caught on (my husband) and now I have to show the u-gly one … maybe next time.

If you’re having a dull day and want a good laugh, dig out some of your old family portraits, those awful group pictures. By the time the finished product has appeared in your tight little fists most of the panics involved have become foggy memories, but not all of them. One of my horrors is the preciseness of the appointment time, like … “Mrs McKee, you’re a-point-ment is at 2:37 ? o’clock.” Good grief … I got so stressed about having all eight of us there on time, primed, puffed and polished, plus giving our best grins, that it was hard for me to think of a good grin myself. It was July in Mississippi and just to make it more interesting, the portrait location had an air conditioner that was on the blink. Now there was a whole lot of glistening going on and in the picture we all look rea-a-al shiny and sparkly - so now you know the rest of the story … the pain of family portraits.

But you know, one-day … one wonderful day … a great, great, great grand will hold that very glistening portrait in hand and declare the beauty or perhaps the unusualness (I prefer to think beauty) of the McKee family, that historic family who lived during the 2000’s. And someone will comment, “I believe great, great, great, Me Maw McKee was Bohemian.

Like I said, I’m not sure … but I think that’s prêt-t-ty good.

Family portrait time brings another dilemma. What to wear? Oh my, more taters to fry! Next to hairstyles, apparel selection is the biggest crisis at family portrait time. I mean the color coordination must be perfect … no glaring and mismatched strips and plaids allowed. And everyone must dress in the same season. I’ve never thought spaghetti strap sundresses and Santa sweaters could ever work … maybe an unforgettable portrait, but not a classy one. I can hear the comment now, “Oh look … those McKee’s who lived during the 2000’s were idiots!”

I think it’s true that a picture can say a thousand words. We want that family picture to say that the McKee’s were an “okay” bunch … that we grinned a lot, that we dressed with color coordinating precision and with an eye for fashion (those old fashions) plus we sparkled and glistened … that last part is our secret…. Okay?

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.