Is it hot in here?

By Craig Ziemba / guest columnist

November 11, 2007 12:57 am

— Its official: the polar ice caps are rapidly melting — on Mars. Comparing recent photos of the red planet to those taken during the Viking missions of the 1970s shows clearly that Martian ice is melting at roughly the same rate as the poles here on earth.
Weather and climates change. A thousand years ago Greenland had forests, vineyards, and lush vegetation, and if the earth continues to warm, it may become green again. The fact that our earth alternately warmed and cooled long before mankind began emitting pollutants into the atmosphere suggests that natural causes may be largely to blame.
Fluctuations in solar radiation and volcanic activity both above and beneath the surface of the oceans have dramatic impacts on climatology that may dwarf any man-made causes of global warming. To be sure, carbon emissions and other man-made pollutants aren’t good for the environment, but to suggest that the power to control planetary warming and cooling trends rests solely in our hands seems far-fetched.
Nonetheless, it does make a great news story, and environmental alarmism has also become a cultural fad, a big business and a powerful political force. Environmentalists have essentially created a crisis (by interpreting a natural phenomenon as a man-made disaster) and then presented themselves as saviors of the planet.
In what has become the most bald-faced ponzi scheme of our time, environmentalists have begun cashing in climate change through a charade not equaled since the Medieval church sold indulgences. It’s called buying a carbon offset, and here’s how it works: If you feel guilty about flying a private jet, owning a 10,000 square foot house, or other conspicuously consumptive habits, there are now scores of online environmentalists willing to listen to your confession and take a donation on your behalf to save the planet.
Sites like Terrapass.com promise that, “Undoing your contribution to global warming is easier than you think. When you have to fly, use Terrapass to balance out your impact.” Whether you are flying, taking a road trip, or even having a large wedding, Terrapass will assess the damage you are doing to the environment and then give you a dollar figure to contribute to their fund to save the earth. They promise to use the money to plant trees, buy land for preservation or invest in green technologies.
This scam allows the self-appointed high priests of Mother Earth to collect cash while protecting limousine liberals like Al Gore and Leonardo DeCaprio from charges of hypocrisy. Thanks to carbon indulgences (oops, I mean offsets), Hollywood actors whose opulent lifestyles pollute the atmosphere can continue to speak self-righteously about planetary peril while yachting around the Riviera morally content that they’ve been certified as “carbon neutral.”
Lets see ... create a crisis and offer a solution that makes you filthy rich ... Brilliant! All this time I’ve been turning down my thermostat and taking the Honda instead of the truck to town I should have had a Web site that guilted somebody into paying me for my conservationism.
“Think globally, act locally,” the bumper sticker says, and perhaps it’s not too late to save the planet or at least our county. So the next time you feel guilty about taking the kids to Dollywood or flying to see the grandparents, just send me a check and I’ll promise to plant some trees or put more insulation in my attic. But you better hurry, ‘cause it’s getting hot in here.

Craig Ziemba is a military pilot who lives in Meridian. A collection of his best columns in the book Give War a Chance is available at Meridian Bible Bookstores.